My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
