if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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