Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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