AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
