Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
