she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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