If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
