# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
