i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
