I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
