I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
