I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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