You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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