nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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