I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got inside last night via doggy door
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
