But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
