happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just high enough for therapy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
