Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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