your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
