Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
