i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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