I want to make a zoo with you.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i think i just lost a toe
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
