when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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