I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
