So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
