btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
