1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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