He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
