Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
