I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
