I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
im holly from the hills drunk
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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