dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
