i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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