i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
