So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
