My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
