i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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