Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
