1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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