How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my shit smells like andre
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
