Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Duck Duck Cougar?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
