i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
