you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
