is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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