i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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