I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
