what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
