Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
