I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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