My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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