ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
