Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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