if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
